on being sick

I am the type of person who, when sick, strives to look vaguely sick but in a way that shows I’m not trying very hard, but rather trying hard to bear up under a great burden. So, definitely suffering, but not definitely looking for sympathy. I have no idea if it works, but I can usually get people to know when I’m sick.

I mean, having the flu is actually being sick, and the dead voice and hacking cough and clogged nose pipes go a long way…

But I am the type that wants all this for the sympathy and the taking care of and the letting off early from work that goes with it…and then feels terribly guilty and also wishes people will just let me get on with business because nine times out of ten I am really capable of doing things.

I guess what I really want is for me to appear perfectly fine on the outside and be performing normally, but for everyone around me to notice that really I am not okay and to then force me lovingly to stop and go home. And if it were a big muscly man who would tell me with a pained look to please stop doing this to yourself and go rest, I’ll do everything, honey… I wouldn’t scoff at that. The problem is, people are people and not characters in a sappy fluff piece and aren’t watching other people that closely on account of them being too wrapped up in their own lives…

What do you call that type of person? A reluctant hypochondriac with vague romantic crazies? Kind of like a lazy perfectionist. Always in inner turmoil.

Better to call me a giant baby.


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